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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has always been the comfort zone of your Daily, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and key events, especially in relation to football. What a delight it was to learn that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs in his house. Consider the situation regarding the Barnsley supporter who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and had to be saved from a deserted Oakwell following dozing off in the toilet midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “He was barefoot and misplaced his cellphone and his cap,” stated an official from the local fire department. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame at Manchester City, the controversial forward popped into a local college for toilet purposes back in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then came in and was asking where the toilets were, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a pupil informed local Manchester media. “Subsequently he wandered round the campus acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday marks 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down as the England coach after a brief chat in a toilet cubicle with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss against Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the legendary venue. As Davies recalls in his journal, his private Football Association notes, he had entered the sodden struggling national team changing area right after the game, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the director to convince Keegan. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies discovered him collapsed – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, saying quietly: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Stopping Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find [for a chat] that was private?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The toilet cubicles. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history happened in the old toilets of an arena marked for removal. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I secured the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

Consequently, Keegan quit, eventually revealing he viewed his tenure as national coach “soulless”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. Whether for good or bad, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the dugout where Keegan once perched. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year's international tournament: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women's major tournament coverage concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We stood there in a lengthy line, wearing only our undergarments. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with great integrity … but no one said anything. We scarcely made eye contact, our gazes flickered a bit nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a freezing stare. Quiet and watchful” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What’s in a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem named ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to oversee the primary team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and awarded some merch, I have decided to put finger to keypad and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|